The Bon Jovi-Richie Sambora rift according to Shakespeare

*The following is a parody of the famous “Romeo & Juliet” play scene, Act 2 Scene 2

romeo-and-juliet-the-perfect-romeo-and-juliet-3-30505808-650-366

It’s hard to believe seven months have passed since Bon Jovi guitarist Richie Sambora unexpectedly left the band for personal reasons from the band’s What About Now tour.

Since the Ides of March for Bon Jovi, media speculation has hinted that the dispute with He-Of-The-Monumental-Ego is over money and disparaging remarks he directed at Mr. Bluesman, while the Bon Jovi Costra Nostra themselves have intimated it was an issue of substance.

Abuse.

Fans have either been at each other’s throats divided into Pro Jon or Pro Richie camps; or simply soldiering on with their hard-won tickets by attending the Sans Sambora shows; while many others have just pulled the plug on this band, this tour, right now.

Since neither side appears willing to talk, we have nothing left to hold on to but the notion of what such a chat would entail.

romeo1

For that, we have only to reference William Shakespeare’s “Romeo and Juliet” soliloquy.

SAMBORA-O:  (speaks out loud to no one in particular)

O speak again, O obsessive-compulsive band leader,

For thou art as glorious to our band, being o’er my head,

As is a winged songmeister sent from heavens above.

Unto the blue, upturned once-innocent and humble eyes,

Of the mortals that shell out for Circle-side seats to gaze upon him,

When he bestrides the power of my chords ,

That enable him to sail on the bosom (of lady fans) and the air.

romeo2

BON JOVI-ET:

 

O Sambora-O, Sambora-O, Wherefore art thou Sambora-O?

Deny thy rockstar employer and refuse my name?

Or if thou will not, be sworn my loyal subject beholden to me,

I’ll no longer be able to take flight in thy rock n roll firmament.

 

SAMBORA-O: (whispers aloud to himself)

 

Shall I hear more, or shall I speak of this (B.S.) ?

 

BON JOVI-ET:

 

Tis but thy recompense for Services Rendered that is my enemy,

Thou art thyself, tho not as important as this front-man of the band and the brand,

What IS a front-man?  Tis not a hand or a foot,

Nor guitar, nor face, nor heart and dagger tattoo,

Belonging to this Man. O be some other band’s guitarist!

What’s in your name? That which we call a rose.

By any other word would smell so sweet,

So Sambora-O would, were he not Sambora-O called,

Retain that power chord perfection which he owes

Without the title of the Jon Bon Sambora Band

Sambora-O, succumb to they name and bend to my worldly will

And for that name which is no part of thee without Me,

Take all that comes with associating with Me.

romeo3

 

SAMBORA-O:

 

After well-nigh thirty years I take thee at thy word

Call me but apologize my love, and I shall be newly baptized and back onstage

Or henceforth I shall never be called Sambora-O

 

BON JOVI-ET:

 

Apologize?!

What man, guitar player and sexless marriage partner art thou without my band this night

Who so stumblest in my counsel? 

 

…which brings us to the stand-off we have today.

 

Be sure to find and follow Glenn Osrin on Facebook and on twitter @wizardofosrin

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

One Response to “The Bon Jovi-Richie Sambora rift according to Shakespeare”

  1. Dina Kaster Says:

    Well done as always, love your honesty Glenn!

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